


The All-Inclusive SebaCiel Country-Western Song!

by soulless_lover



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Comedy, Country & Western, Crack, Humor, M/M, Song Lyrics, WTF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-17
Updated: 2014-02-17
Packaged: 2018-01-12 18:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 512
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1195263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulless_lover/pseuds/soulless_lover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Did your boy leave you? Took your house and your cat and your hansom and your wallet? Well, compose your very own country-western song, crank up the Victrola and dance 'til you don't feel like crying in your tea anymore! </p>
<p>Best enjoyed with friends and while drunk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The All-Inclusive SebaCiel Country-Western Song!

**Author's Note:**

> i used to make these on LJ back in the day, but i hadn't done one in a million years, and i felt it was time to introduce my current fandom to the glory of the all-inclusive country-western song. 
> 
> gratuitous props to Frank Jacobs, the MAD magazine genius whose work inspired this bit of fandom crack.
> 
> feel free to post your results in a comment - i'd love to see what you came up with!

how it works:

first, choose one of the phrases from each list. at the bottom of this post is a song template. **DO NOT LOOK AT THE TEMPLATE UNTIL YOU HAVE MADE YOUR CHOICES FROM THE LISTS!** if you do, it'll spoil the surprise, and won't be nearly as much fun. once you've finished making your choices, insert the phrases into the template in order according to the letter assigned to each list. i'll give an example at the very bottom.

 

_____________________________

 

the lists:

(A)  
in a dungeon  
in a tavern  
at a soiree  
in a nightmare  
at an orgy  
at a brothel  
at the dogfights

(B)  
sore and broken  
lost and lonely  
hard and wanting  
drunk on Bailey’s  
slightly pregnant  
stoned on biscuits  
soaked in whiskey

(C)  
the tattered clothes  
that “JAILBAIT” sign  
that evil smile  
that bad disguise  
the sweet perfume  
the pink corset  
that leather thong

(D)  
looking quite delicious  
smelling rather tasty  
weighted down with cream buns  
dancing on the tables  
squirming like the dickens  
knocking back the cocktails  
acting fairly bratty

(E)  
screaming “Save me!”  
moaning loudly  
spreading his legs  
eying my crotch  
eating candy  
getting spanked hard  
stripping naked

(F)  
I’d make him mine forevermore  
it was a raven, nothing more  
I’d have to scrape him off the floor  
I’d surely seen his arse before  
I had to bite those nipples sore  
that he would be an easy score  
right off what tutor’s canes are for

(G)  
stay with him  
be aroused  
write bad smut  
be a dick  
fuck him hard  
brew Earl Grey  
had this smirk

(H)  
I cannot tell him lies  
he thinks my cat is bi  
that my scent makes him high  
he wants to eat some pie  
he’d poke me in the eye  
“Restrain me with your tie.”  
he wants to see me writhe

(I)  
run off  
fuck Bard  
get drunk  
chase me  
beat Grell  
striptease  
go mad

(J)  
just to spite me  
with the teapot  
in the kitchens  
in the carriage  
with my wallet  
in my tailcoat  
at the Trancy’s

(K)  
Now I know that boy can’t say  
He looked me in the eyes and said  
He smacked me on the arse and said  
I watched him hump my leg and sobbed  
He set fire to the pub and yelled  
And that’s the way the English say  
I suppose I ought to smile and say

 

________________________________________

 

the template:

I met him (A)  
(B)  
I can still recall (C) he wore;  
He was (D) and (E)  
And I knew (F).

Young Master said I’d (G) forever;  
He said to me (H);  
But who’d have thought he’d (I) (J)  
(K) goodbye.

example:

I met him in a dungeon  
Sore and broken  
I can still recall the tattered clothes he wore;  
He was looking quite delicious and screaming “Save me!”  
And I knew I’d make him mine forevermore.

Young Master said I’d stay with him forever;  
He said to me I cannot tell him lies;  
But who’d have thought he’d run off just to spite me  
Now I know that boy can’t say goodbye.


End file.
